My Writing History

Mrs. Barbee & Mrs. Medlin giving me the Writing Award for 3rd Grade

 My earliest memory of writing was “Writers Workshop” in Miss Barbee’s 3^rd grade classroom.  Through this method I learned several parts of the creative process of story-telling.  We were to create plans of our work, move on to writing the story, and then illustrate our stories page by page.  Next, we turned  in our books and they were bound for us.  Afterwards, we would create cover art.  I remember every day I would be so excited for this part of the day and enjoyed the outlet it gave me to be creative in school.  I remember feeling talented and I’d always be so proud of how long my stories could be. Needless to say I was NOT suffering from writers block at age nine.  The best part was getting to share my stories at “Author’s  Tea” with my grandparents and my mom and dad.  Every year in elementary school I would win the writing award on awards day. 

Winning the DARE Essay contest in 5th Grade

The icing on the cake came with my fifth grade DARE essay contest submission.  I had to write a paper on why it was best to be above the influence of drugs and alcohol.  In our DARE graduation assembly they announced that I was the winner and I got to read my essay to the entire room.  While this was incredibly nerve wracking for my ten year old self (I had practiced saying “hallucinogen” all day prior to this, just in case.) it felt amazing to be recognized by adults for my writing and being able to share as an already declared winner.  This positive experience contrasts directly with my experiences in Creative Writing at Carolina where I realized I no longer had the confidence to share in large groups. 

Once I got to high school, I felt like I hit a plateau in my writing.  First of all it was no longer fun.    It felt like there was nowhere to go with the comments I got from teachers.  At the same time, it seemed like some of my peers were so original and creative with arguments, but I didn’t know how to get there.  I didn’t know how to question the literature in the “right way” and it didn’t seem like anyone was going to take the time to teach me these things. The teacher would just encourage us to stick to the five-paragraph, formulaic essay.  I would get “A’s” on papers but I didn’t feel intellectually engaged in writing them.  I know now there can be creativity even in academic papers, but back then it felt stifling and I felt trapped in boundaries and unable to explore the content. 

In high school I was an insider in almost every social group.  This isn’t as impressive when you realize there were only ninety-three people in my class.  However, this translated to the classroom, as teachers loved me and I was very involved in daily classroom activities.  I enjoyed school because I had meaningful connections to the teachers and students around me and I felt I belonged.  This affected my writing because even though I mentioned the plateau before, I wasn’t afraid to write nor was I afraid to share because I felt comfortable in myself at school and with the teachers and students around me. 

When I look back at my primary education career I notice a connection between the teachers who challenged me and the positive feelings I had toward writing in those classrooms.  My favorite teachers were Joyce Whitley in middle school and Roberta Allen and Gary Moran in high school.  These teachers were my favorite because they really ignited passion in the subject of English through challenging me.  Joyce Whitley gave me extra assignments with the books we read  and papers we wrote to help me explore the material at a higher level.  She also always related the books we read to our lives so the material felt relevant. I loved Roberta Allen because she kicked my butt.  It was so incredibly difficult to get an “A” in her class that I worked my hardest and really grew as a student.  She used a grading rubric for our papers so we could clearly see where our strengths and weaknesses were and she would meet with us to go over our mistakes so we could learn from them.  The challenge was to improve from paper to paper and if we ever got an “A” or showed significant improvement we got to go up to the front of the class and press the “That Was Easy” button to show that we had finally gotten it.  To me, challenges encourage growth in myself and my academic abilities so I loved the pressure and the support I felt from her in the classroom.  It wasn’t just a difficult class with no aid or advice—we had the support to overcome the challenge and the writing and the grades meant more because it wasn’t easy and there were high expectations.  Gary Moran helped me succeed in writing because he just made the class fun and engaging.  He was an actor and an English major in college so he always brought the stories to life in a way that made writing about them easier.  I felt like he cared if we got something out of his class and he really pushed us to learn the rules so we could feel confident with our writing. 

In contrast, my most detested English class was Mrs. Freeman’s class because it just seemed like she didn’t care about our class and didn’t take teaching us very seriously.  I did not feel a connection with her and her classroom didn’t feel like a community in the slightest.  It was a very negative environment.  She also didn’t like me because I would get frustrated with her carefree teaching style and her constant use of her cell phone in class—students, by the way, were under a zero tolerance policy.  Basically the writing I did for her, if any at all, was just me going through the motions because I didn’t need to impress her or really do anything she asked.  I lacked respect for her because she seemed to lack respect for her profession and for us as students.  She assigned writing as a way for her to not have to teach which made me resent it.

My experience in education thus far has led me to believe that the role of writing is to give you a method to express your thoughts about the material you are working on.  Because class times are shrinking and more and more students are in the classes, writing gives students a way to reflect on the material they are working on in class. They can still use their voice and explore their own thoughts, opinions and analysis which they may not have the opportunity to explore fully in class.  I believe writing is something everyone can excel at if they are allowed to explore and create. Instead of being stuck inside lines, if we could figure out a way to free the students to explore I believe writing can be an addition to classroom instruction that helps students feel engaged with the material

         I see a link between my connection with teachers and students in the school and my security in expressing myself through writing.  I felt like I belonged and I felt supported by the community so I could succeed.  This contrasts with how I feel at the large university.  I don’t feel secure academically.  If I could change one writing class I’ve been a part of, it would be my second creative writing class at UNC.  It absolutely destroyed my creativity.  We had to share our stories with the entire class, reading it ourselves, and then for thirty minutes let everyone pull it apart in front of us.  Mind you this was a class of twenty-five people.  The sharing aspect of it shut me down just by its “large group” nature.  A method that would’ve been more beneficial for me would’ve been printing five copies of my story and letting a small group of people read and critique my work.  Then, coming back together in the next class period and sitting with those five people and discussing their comments.  The set up made me too vulnerable to have everyone’s criticism hurled at me at once in front of the entire class.  I began to become scared to write what I truly wanted because I knew I’d have to share it with everyone.  Not only would I have to share the printed words, but physically speak the words, and thus have no separation.  In my opinion, it is much easier to let someone read your printed words and I would’ve preferred that be an option.  I also think I would’ve been able to digest criticism better if only from a handful of people.  The way I would redesign the class structure would be to have everyone get into groups of five and hand out the printed copies of their stories.  Each student would be responsible for reading the stories and commenting thoughtfully in the margins.  Then the students would form back into groups and take turns discussing their feelings and critiques of the story with the author.  The author could then rework his or her draft and reap the same benefits as having the whole class read the story.  Different groups could be assigned during each workshop so that over half of the students would get to voice their opinions on every story and the author could insure he or she was receiving enough variation in readership.  Running workshops this way would take the anxiety out by reducing the amount of large-group sharing and thereby making the comments easier to digest and put into effect with the next draft. 
           In thinking about my history with writing a strong connection becomes apparent between my identity as an insider and a comfort within the classroom setting and my ability to create and share.  In my smaller schools of primary education, I knew everyone and had strong connections with teachers which made me feel safer in sharing where as at UNC I felt less secure and therefore, it seems my creativity and ability to share my work proudly suffered.  As a future educator, I would like to create an environment in my classroom where students feel secure and can explore the creative process of writing in a positive way.